I’m Sorry! I’ve Forgotten Your Name.

One of the most common, and deeply awkward, social gaffes you can make is asking a customer or a new contact for their name, only to promptly forget it three seconds later. But why do we draw a blank, and what is the real secret behind how to remember names?

Understanding how our minds file away information is the key.

The psychology behind why we forget

Most probably it’s because we were not that interested in the first place. People remember things when it’s important at the time.

On first encounter with someone new to our lives, we generally are not motivated to learn their name. Our encounter with this person is a passing thing, so the person’s name isn’t really important. We’re hardly likely to see them again.

There will be times when we really do want to remember – but still we forget.  Most of us underestimate just how much work is entailed in remembering a name, particularly if it’s a common name.

We hear the most common names associated with our culture time and time again. A common name can be forgettable because it is so popular.  It’s not that interesting.  You’ve heard it often before, so there’s nothing special about it and you dismiss it.  We already know lots of people with that name.

On the other hand, when you meet someone with an unusual or rare name, it may be easy to recognise, but harder to recall. Whatever the name, common or not, it has to fight for space in our already crowded memory.  So, it takes genuine mental energy to deposit the name of a new acquaintance into your memory bank.

Not only that, but in the process of memorising a name, you have to connect the face to the name. Even if you manage to encode the name with the face, chances are you might not be able to bring it to front of mind when the time comes for the second meeting. The newly learned person and associated name are competing with so many other names and other faces in your memory.

When we are first introduced to a new acquaintance, we can be distracted by another pressing priority: making a good impression while holding a reasonable conversation with them. We make that an immediate priority at the expense of locking the name into even our short-term memory. We neglect to file away enough information about the face and name that it can easily be recalled next time the need arises.

Depositing names into your memory bank

To bypass these mental blocks, you need a proactive system, some practical strategies for how to remember names so you can lock them into your memory.

Create a visual anchor

Find something distinctive about the person’s appearance or personality and relate it to the person and their name.

• Tom the tiler
• John the jitterbug

Use the name immediately

Rather than passively taking the name in and dismissing it, use the person’s name immediately.

“Hi Tom, it’s nice to meet you.”

” So, Tom, tell me about ….”

Test your recall

A few minutes later test your recall.

“What was that guy’s name?”

The act of actually testing yourself on the name will help you retain it better in the long term.

If you really can’t recall the name at your next meeting, retrace your mind-steps. Visualise the person when you met them.  Where was it? Where were you standing? Who else was there at the time? What did you talk about?

Often, this is enough to jog your memory.  If not, at least it’s a conversation starter:

“I recall we had a really interesting chat about your adventures in South America. The conversation is vivid in my memory, but for some reason I am struggling to recall your name.”

Now restart the process of memorisation:  “So, Tom, have you been travelling again?”

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Want to learn how to remember names and other networking skills?

Enrol in our online course Getting Value from Business Networking Groups.

We’ll teach you how to master the “name game” and give you the tools to work any room with confidence.

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Liz Paine
Founder of Learning Insight
Phone: 0400 778807
Email: Contact form